Evil Soulless Things



"You know what I wish...."

Anya cut Spike off. "Don't."

Spike stared at her in surprise, but shrugged. They just looked at each other, then turned away, Spike shaking his head and making his way out into the street. Couldn't blame her, really. Not her fault. Not his come to that. Just a cocked up mess.

Hands in his pockets, Spike hunched his shoulders against the night, and the pain, and muttered, "Was only going to say I wish Xander could be a vampire for a bit, just to see how it was to be an evil, soulless thing. Would serve him right, being all high and mighty."

He kept walking, wishing for a smoke, but if he'd been listening very closely, he might have heard a whispered, "Done."


"Spike. Spiiii-iike. Wakey, wakey."

Spike woke with a start, sitting straight up and cracking heads with whoever it was trying to get him awake. Bugger. Blinking the stars out of his eyes took a minute, but then he got them to focus. Right. Hard head, goofy look, wide shoulders and floppy hair. Come to that his description could be two people but Angel wasn't about so it had to be Xander.

"Come to let me have it, then?"

The goofy look widened into an even goofier grin. "Oh, yeah. Gonna let you have it all right. I didn't think you'd ever be one with the sleeping so hard that I could sneak up on you, Spike."

Spike scooted back away from the very disturbing glint in Xander's eyes and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and wishing he had a smoke. "What do you want?"

"I want to play, Spike. I'm bored."

Well, now. If that wasn't a head tilter. "Bored as in, want to pull you apart like a butterfly bored? Because I got to tell you, I'm still faster than you, even if you can knock me about without retaliation."

"Without retaliation is no fun, Spike. You know I like it when you fight back." Xander advanced, and there was nowhere he could retreat without looking like the biggest nancy this side of LA, so Spike let Xander get close enough to feel the lad's breath.

Er. If the lad had any. "Bloody Hell. You're...."

"What? Bored? Hungry? Horny as all get out. Ding! Give that vamp a blood dipped cookie. Let's play, Spike."

His mind was just sort of running about in circles. Not exactly conducive to moving, but there it was. Xander wasn't breathing. Xander wasn't making like the furnace he usually was. What? You noticed when someone was literally that hot. Xander was a vampire?

Spike groaned. "Only you could make my afterlife worse. You're a bloody menace. I knew it was only a matter of time before you got eaten but I never figured anyone would be stupid enough to make you one of us."

Somehow or other, that made Xander's face fall, smile sliding into hurt. "Are you feeling okay, Spike? Because you calling yourself stupid doesn't happen much, you know?"

"Me calling myself... oh now. There is no way I'm going to believe that at all."

Xander had to be off his nut to think that Spike would believe that he was the one supposed to be Xander's sire. He couldn't, now could he. And fuck if he wanted to spend eternity with the only one of Buffy's hangers on he wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.

Well, maybe a five-foot pole. He wasn't as picky as he once was, now was he?

"Believe that you're stupid, or that you're the one who did this to me? Did you hit your head when we were having dinner last night? Is that why you were so hard to wake up? Or maybe you got something bad in the blood. That one girl did taste a little... 'shroomy."

"What are you playing at? Get off!" His voice rose to a girly squeak as Xander rather squirmed on top of him, feeling his head, most likely for bumps. Which was ridiculous in the extreme. Not to mention that Xander was heavy. And close. And on top of him. It was absurd.

"You're starting to worry me, Spike. I mean," Xander looked down at the sheets, hands twisting in them. "I mean, I know when you did it, it was out of spite, just to get back, but we have fun, don't we? We do okay. If I did something, like with the Twinkie dipping, or you know, the thing with the demon head and the hat box, I'm sorry okay?"

"You're nuts." He couldn't take it anymore. Spike pushed Xander off him and rolled out of bed, pacing, looking for his cigarettes. "Right. There must have been something I said. Something I did."

Hands on his head, Spike thought hard. Then thought harder. Damn it, what had he done that had made this happen. Or... maybe someone else had. Not Anya, she wouldn't do that to him. She'd take her revenge out on Xander, sure, but she would make the boy suffer alone. Wouldn't she?

Right. So who would... maybe the witch. Because she would want Xander to see the error of his ways, and maybe make Spike suffer, too, and Buffy as well. Not in the mean way, mind, just in the you should all see what you're doing way. Maybe it had just backfired a bit, or maybe it would be over soon. He could just wait it out. And it dawned on him in that very moment that Xander wasn't human. Spike could beat the crap out of him, and not feel even a twinge.

Hell, the situation was looking better by the minute.

Grinning, he turned to Xander, smart remark right there on his lips, but it died when he saw the way Xander was looking at him. Hot. That was the only word for it. Scalding. Spike looked down. Fuck. He slept naked, didn't he, and Xander was looking like he liked what he saw. Which was... well, disturbing to say the least.

"You got it all worked out now, Spike? Because I'm ready to get out the marshmallow cream and chocolate sauce and have a little Spike sundae."

That fairly boggled the mind. And it wasn't appealing at all. Not a bit.

Bloody Hell, he was desperate, wasn't he? Buffy. Think Buffy.

"Look, pet, we have a problem. This isn't you. And it's not the me you think it is."

From hot back to concerned, that expression, is a matter of seconds. "You are sick. I knew it. I could make you some nice hot blood. Come back to bed, and Xander will make it allllll better."

Christ on a crutch. He was going to have to take stern measures, wasn't he? He'd handle Xander, then go to Willow and see what she'd done. He went in low and fast, proud of the speed he could still get on, even half starved as he was, taking Xander down and pinning him.

Only to be flipped and pinned himself by Xander's much heavier weight, the boy grinning down at him, face changing into vampiric planes. "There's my Spike! I knew you'd snap out of it. Should I get the chains or are you just going to spank me like the bad boy I am."

Spike boggled. That didn't bear thinking about. Not thinking about it. No. Bad Spike. Hated Xander. Right.


"No, don't want to. Want to lick you, maybe. Possibly suck things. Come on, Spike. You're usually much more fun than this."

"I'm an evil soulless thing, according to you." Was he always this slow? Or was it the whole ludicrous situation making him stupid enough that when Xander bit him (bit him!) he didn't move, just stared.

"So am I. That's what makes it so good."

That's when it clicked. Evil. Soulless. Xander a vamp. Wishes. Bloody buggering....

"I get it now, pet. This is all a mix up. I just need to find your ex and get her to undo it."

"That could be a tough one." Xander was living up to the want to lick you claim, starting at his collarbone and working up. "We killed all my exes, Spike. And, uh, a few of yours. Oooh, just thinking about it makes me all hard."

Didn't someone once tell him that in another universe there was a vampire Xander who was violent and crazy and, oh. That felt nice. Him naked. Xander not. Xander in leather. He liked leather, but he didn't like Xander. Right. And they'd killed the exes?

"Which ones?"

"Oh, Anya. Cordy. We never did find Dru, but we got Harmony. She was fun."

"We killed Anya?" Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. He always was a brilliant arse, but that just took the cake. They'd killed Anya, and how was he supposed to get back to being him. Hold on. If "they'd" killed Anya.... "Pet? What about my chip?"

"Chip? Chip and dip, that's us. Duh. It stopped working a while back. I'm starting to think it was all that good human blood. Like maybe your brain healed right around it. Or, you know, maybe it just got knocked loose." That look was pure humor the lunatic.

"So, lemme get this right. You're dead. I'm unchipped. We killed the exes. What about Buffy?"

"Well, she's been kinda tough to crack. But it really broke her up that you like me better. Which you didn't, but you do. Can we stop with the old history lesson and get to the fucking?"

Puppyish. That's what Xander looked like, butt up and head down, waggling that round arse encased in leather at him. Bloody Hell. Somewhere his brain was telling him there was too much to take in, here, too much to process, so Spike's brain did exactly what it normally would when faced with tough decisions and a leather clad bottom. It shut down and let his body take over.

Spike lunged, taking Xander down hard and ripping at clothes, and damned if the lad didn't moan and arch and the back and arse he bared were covered with bruises and marks, his marks, he'd know them anywhere and that helped to keep the gray matter from function, helped instinct take right over. Spike covered Xander's back with his front, teeth sinking in to the fleshy part of Xander's shoulder, the rest of him sinking in where instinct told him to go, and fuck that was tight and good.

Good. Xander. In the same sentence. Just defied all logic, but he wasn't much of a creature of logic when it came to the physical, was he? And it felt like it was supposed to be that way, like maybe Xander was right and his brain was fuzzy from drug-laden blood, or some such. He pushed in, harder and harder, listening to the moans Xander gave him, the sound of their flesh slapping together, and Spike decided right then and there that wrong or right, his other self, the one who had done the deed, had a pretty good idea. See? He could do a plan.

The plan went out the proverbial window, along with everything else as Xander howled, and clamped down tight on him, and he bit harder, blood pouring into his mouth and that was that. Spike came hard enough to make his ears ring, hard enough to drive Xander down on the bed flat, bucking and shivering beneath him. Where Xander belonged.

They stayed there for a long while, both of them dozing, before Xander finally stirred, nudging him until he rolled off, then curling against him. "So are you ready to play now?"

"Hell, yes, pet."

Not like this was what he'd meant when he wished Xander a vampire, and he still had plans for Buffy that didn't include anyone else. But Spike was nothing if not adaptable. When a wish backfired in a good way, you didn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Somehow he found it terribly amusing that he and Xander would be evil soulless things together.

The End

Feed the Author

The Author's Website

The Spander Files