Ice cream wrestling. That is all. (NC17)

A Test of Skill



"You know, it wouldn't be so bad if you would just shut up about it already."

"Can't help it. Put three of the buggers away while you were still tripping over your own feet." Spike didn't mean to crow about it, well yeah he did, but it felt good to be out there whomping up on demons. Wasn't his fault Xander couldn't keep up. "Face it, luv. In any contest of physical skill, I'm going to beat you."

One of the great joys of his unlife was watching Xander's face turn that dull shade of red. Meant he was working himself into a righteous snit. Which meant they were going to argue. And that meant sex. Predictable maybe, but nothing wrong with a bit of routine. Of course, sometimes Xander chose to surprise him. Like now.

"Oh yeah? Care to bet on that, bleachboy?"

Trying to hold back his grin, Spike cocked his head to one side and sniffed. "What'd you have in mind."

"A little contest. Of my choosing. Say, Saturday?"

Since Xander was known to cheat once in a while, Spike thought it over before answering. "So long as it doesn't involve sunlight, fire, holy water, or."

Oh, now Xander had that long suffering look. It was a cute one, that look, though he'd never tell Xander that. But it pressed his lips together in a way that brought out that weird little dimple under his mouth, and made his eyes all dark and snappy. Had a real capacity for badness, his Xander did, even if he didn't know it. Lovely, hot temper.

"No, Spike," he answered. "Just something simple. Like arm wrestling or something. Nothing that makes you cripsy and or incapacitated from head pain."

"Right then. You're on. What're the stakes?" Appearing to consider that heavily, Xander rans his fingertips up under his chin in a characteristic gesture that Spike found endearing. Good god he was a sap.

"Well, if you win, we'll get out the scalpel and you can have a bit of the house red. Sound good?"

Part of Spike certainly thought it sounded good. 'Course that part always got enthusiastic about Xander-blood. So enthusiastic it throbbed. The rest of him wondered what Xander was up to, to be offering that as a prize. "Right. And if you win?"

"Um. How about you let me tie you up and do whatever I want to you. Within reason."

That same body part he'd heard from before spoke up again, telling him this was a win-win situation. Liked the way Xander thought, he did. "Sounds like a good trade."

"Well, yeah. And you'll have to listen to be brag about it for days too. If I win, I mean."

"Figured that." And that was only fair. Spike knew he drove Xander mad with comments on his own prowess.

"Okay. I'll set everything up."

From the faraway look in Xander's eyes, he was coming up with something elaborate. And probably very disturbing. Spike couldn't wait.

Saturday morning Xander slipped out of bed early, leaving Spike sleeping like only a dead guy could. He hadn't been able to make any preparations during the week, because the bleached one was like a five year old at Christmastime, running around peeking into closets and kitchen cabinets. And he wanted the whole thing to be kind of a surprise, just to give him that little bit of an upper hand. Not that he wouldn't have the upper hand anyway; he was setting this whole thing up to work in his own favor. But Spike fought dirty, so every little bit helped.

After a double check of his list, Xander headed out to the super Wal-Mart. He didn't need tarps. Those he'd gotten from work. But he did need a bottle of carpet cleaner, just in case. He got that, a mammoth bottle of baby shampoo (which was really good for sticky hair) and some lube before heading over to the supermarket section.

Four large plastic bowls that he could throw away later. Check. Giant economy sized jar of maraschino cherries. Check. Two big old tubs of cool whip whipped dessert topping. Check. Gallon sized jug of hot fudge sauce. Check. And two cartons of chocolate vanilla ice cream. Check. Xander thought briefly about bananas. Pondered what Spike might do with a banana. Decided against them. At the last minute he added a couple of plastic bottles of water. Ice cream made him thirsty. The clerk made some comment about his kids being the luckiest kids on earth, what with dad having an ice cream party for them. Times like that were tough for Xander because of his tendency to blurt out whatever was on his mind. He almost told her he didn't have kids, just a kinky weirdo of a boyfriend who liked a little ice cream with his blood. Smiling and nodding was probably the better option.

Home again, and after checking to make sure Spike was still asleep (which was kinda hard with someone who didn't breathe) Xander started setting things up. The living room dinette combination was the only space big enough for what he wanted, hence the tarps and carpet cleaner. After the whole Toth dying - cleaning deposit thing Xander Scotch guarded, but what he had planned was going to be even messier than demon guts. If he was lucky. By the time he was done, the furniture was all neatly stacked along the walls, the tarps were laid out on the floor, and duct taped together underneath, so they wouldn't pull apart. He rolled up a couple of blankets and put them along the edges of his carpet saving surface, just in case they flailed around too much. All he had left to do was heat up the fudge sauce and get the ice cream out of the freezer.

Xander was in the kitchen, emptying the cool whip into one of his big bowls when he heard Spike call out his name from the bedroom. They met in the living room, where Spike surveyed his preparations with sleep-glazed eyes.

"What's all this, then?"

"Getting ready for our little test of physical skill." He could almost see the wheels turning in Spike's brain. With a light kiss on Spike's forehead and a pat to his butt, Xander turned back to the kitchen.

"What's the contest?" Spike asked, trailing along behind him with only a short detour to pick up his cigarettes.


"Oh yeah? Looks like I won't have to eat anything today then. Just you."

"You are smug, you know that? And I wouldn't be too sure you'll win, Spike. There are other factors at work here."

"Like what?"

Grinning, Xander reached into the fridge and pulled out the hot fudge sauce. It was gratifying to see Spike's eyes widen dramatically when he held it up and waggled it back and forth.

"Like this."

Spike knew he looked surprised, probably comically so, but the depraved depths to which his Xander could sink never ceased to amaze him. "So. How do you want me, then?" he asked.

"Let me count the ways." The wonderful lips curled in a lecherous grin that Spike's whole body returned with interest. "But for now you can strip."

Definite interest. Spike almost sprained something skimming out of his clothes while Xander poured a big bowl of fudge sauce and put it in the microwave. While it heated, Xander took off his own clothes, leaving them in a messy pile of the kitchen floor. Then he pulled two cartons of ice cream out of the freezer and set them on the counter next to the whipped cream and cherries.

"They need to soften." Xander offered him a cherry with a long stem on it. "Here, amuse me while we wait for the fudge to reach optimum temperature."

Bouncing on his toes, Spike took the cherry and popped it into his mouth. Long before they'd gotten together, Xander had seen Spike blowing smoke rings, using his tongue to shape perfect ohs and send them out into the night. The boy made some smart-assed remark about tongues and talents, and Spike had gleefully proven how useful his tongue could be at every possible moment; he enjoyed watching Xander sweat. One of those occassions involved a cherry stem and a double square knot, and once they started shagging Xander begged for that trick every chance he got. Wasn't about to tell Xander that the secret was in wrapping the stem around a fang for leverage.

And, of course, Spike utilized his skill most often when he needed to regain the upper hand. Like now. He made short work of the cherry, and after a few moments of manipulation, spat out a neatly tied stem. Heightened color and darkened eyes were his response, and he knew he'd just evened the score for the hot fudge sauce. He could hardly wait for the next round.

The microwave dinged and they both jumped, and Spike grinned ruefully. Right. Maybe he needed to calm down a bit too. Difficult to do, though, when Xander was standing there if in the buff, giving him the do me stare and licking fudge sauce off his fingers. Spike cleared his throat.

"Maybe we should get on with it, pet. Otherwise it's not going to happen."

Nodding furiously, Xander handed him a couple of bowls, then picked up the others and headed for the living room, babbling all the way. "Right. Need to get started. So I can win. So I can do whatever I want. Not that I couldn't anyway. But I have a point to prove, right? So yeah. Okay. Come on."

Loved it when Xander started running off at the mouth like that. Knew he'd gotten to the poor, sweet boy then. Cat and mouse mode firmly on, Spike stalked the gently swaying, naked ass in front of him, and thought about how much fun he was going to have when he won.

To this day it made Xander nervous when Spike gave him that "better to eat you with, my dear" look. He turned around once they reached the living room to explain the rules of their little game, and there it was. Directed at his lower half. Ack.

"Spike! Pay attention."

"Ey!" Spike protested. "I was paying careful attention."

"Riiight. Now direct your attention above my chin."

That got Spike to look at his face, but it also got him the Pout, at about fifty percent efficiency. Pretty darned effective, but not as devastating as the full power sulk. He wouldn't be swayed, though. Defeat was not an option here.

"Okay. The rules. You with me?"

"Right here."

"Good." Xander held up a hand and started ticking rules off on his fingers. "Regular wrestling. A pin being shoulders flat on the mat for a goodly length of time. Best two out of three. No deliberate kicking of the privates, biting, or scratching. Got it so far?"

Very seriously, Spike nodded. "No gnawing, clawing or kneeing."

"Exactly. All foodstuffs except hot fudge may be used as weapons. The hot fudge will be used to prime the wrestling surface. Oh and no hair pulling. Do you accept the terms."


"Any questions?" Xander hoped Spike wouldn't ask any of the hundred silly questions he could come up with right about now. He almost got his wish.

"Just one," Spike said.


"How long do I have to wait to collect my prize?"

Shouldn't be so mean to the boy, Spike thought. But how hard could it be to pin Xander to the floor, even with the hot fudge? Didn't stand a chance. It would be entertaining playing slippy-slide with him, though, so Spike wasn't complaining. Especially when Xander was dumping the hot fudge sauce on the floor and then running around in it like a little kid trying to work up a static electricity charge, shuffling his feet to spread the stuff about. Bounced in all sorts of wonderful places that way.

Finally Xander stopped, which was good because Spike's eyes were glazing over. Putting his hands on his hips, Xander surveyed his mess, then nodded decisively. "Okay. Ready whenever you are."

"I was born ready, luv." Spike checked out the lay of the land quickly, memorizing the placement of the ice cream bowls. Let Xander have the cherries and the whipped cream, he wanted quick access to the really cold stuff. He took up a stance at the center of the makeshift mat. "Let's go, then, shall we?"

Directly across from him, Xander shook out his arms and legs (bounce, bounce) then settled into an awkward fighting stance of his own. How many years had he been working with the Slayer? You'd think he could do better than that. Xander nodded to indicate his readiness and Spike didn't even give him time to blink before he moved, grabbing Xander's upper arms and twisting him down toward the floor. Toward the ice cream.

And wasn't Xander the clever one, because Spike completely discounted the effect of the fudge sauce on a plastic tarp, and their feet shot right out from under them, sending them sprawling. Spike's legs went one way and Xander's another and they met in the middle, bumping foreheads with a loud crack. Lucky for him his Xan had a hard head, or the chip would've gone off for sure. Still, he had the advantage of not having to breathe, so while Xander lay there whooping ike an asthmatic crane Spike scrambled for the sidelines and the gooey but still frozen ice cream.

A gloppy handful was all he managed before he heard Xander moving behind him, and he turned around just in time to meet a faceful of Cool Whip, up close and personal. Spitting and licking, Spike lunged at Xander and took him down, but wasn't able to get a good grip on all that slick, chocolate-covered flesh. Slippery as an eel, Xander squirted right out of Spike's arms, sliding a good two feet before fetching up against one of the rolled blankets on the sidelines. Froglike, Spike bumped across the hazardous floor after him, and Xander dissolved into a fit of sugary giggles.

Finally gaining a handhold on one of Xander's ankles, Spike pulled himself up those long legs and squooshed his melting stockpile of ice cream weaponry right between them. The stuff was still cold enough to put the boy right into shock; he went absolutely rigid and hit a high note Freddy Mercury would be proud of. If he was still alive, that was. While he had Xander paralyzed from the jolt of a frozen dairy concontion meeting his balls, Spike straddled him and pressed his shoulders into the floor, counting to eight before crowing his victory.

"Round one to me, pet! You sure you want to keep going for two out of three?" Oh, but Xander was a sight to behold, shivering and panting, and glaring death rays at him. "Yeah. I'm sure," he said through chattering teeth. "That was just lucky."

"Oh, right. Luck." Spike rolled off and helped Xander to his feet. "More like skill. But if you still wanna have a go, I won't stop you. Let's have on then."

That lovely determined look Xander got every so often appeared, and he pushed chocolate logged hair away from his face before taking up the beginning stance again. "Right. Let's do it."

They squared off again, and Xander was pleased at how well Spike had played into his hands. Even if his balls did feel like they were going to fall off. When he could feel them again. Still, Spike was so cocky now, so pleased with himself, that he was overconfident. Shouldn't be hard to surprise him. Plus, Spike was somewhat hampered by a raging hard-on. Thanks to a little ice cream shriveling, Xander had no such trouble.

"Wait. Time out."

Spike raised his eyebrows, but stood back and put his hands on his hips. "What?"

"We need more hot fudge. The floor is starting to dry out." While he slopped more sauce on the floor and wiggled around spreading it evenly Xander surreptitiously checked out Spike's reaction. Good, good. His vamp followed every movement with hungry interest, only looking up at Xander's face once he cleared his throat. "Okay. Ready?"

"Oh, yeah, pet. M'ready."

It was all he could do not to grin. Spike's voice held a low, husky note that usually prefaced really hot monkey love, and his eyes promised all sorts of naughty things. Perfect. Had to hurry, though, because things between waist and thighs weren't so numb anymore, and he didn't want to lose the advantage.

"Let's do it."

He let Spike come to him again, and went down easily this time, so it didn't knock the breath out of him. They slid in a lazy circle, face to face, on their sides, the still warm chocolate squishy beneath them. When his back hit the barrier Xander reached behind him and grabbed a handful of cherries, then lunged forward to wrap around Spike and smoosh them against that perfectly sculpted ass.

Wriggling and hollering, Spike tried to lever Xander over onto his back, but was foiled by the rolled up blanket behind him. Grabbing more cherries, Xander smeared them all over Spike's chest, then followed up with half the bowl of whipped cream.

The expression on Spike's face was pure, "I'll get you my pretty," so it was really satisfying to hear Spike moan when Xander leaned forward and started licking. Fudge and cherries and cream and the unique flavor of Spike flooded his taste buds. Privately he always thought of it as smoked vampire. Complete slut that he was, Spike immediately started making these rough little noise and arched into the lips that wrapped around his nipple. Which allowed Xander to start easing Spike over on his back, and then straddle his hips.

Just about the time he was about to push Spike's shoulders flat to the floor, though, Spike remembered their agenda, and bounced mightily, throwing Xander off. He actually growled, and Xander grinned. It was working.

"No fair, Xan."

"All's fair, Spike. Come and get me." The he braced himself, because Spike did just that, and not even the dappled stains of cherry juice and hot fudge could make him less than the perfect predator. He just flowed across the floor, no frog hopping this time, and that told Xander how serious he was. Time to get even stealthier.

With a dip and a roll, Xander evaded Spike's clutching hands, letting them glance off his ribs. He turned as quickly as he could and used Spike's own momentum against him, pushing him down face first on the floor. The arm across the small of Spike's back wouldn't hold him for long, so Xander leaned down and bit hard into one artificially sweetened butt cheek.

With a gasp and a wiggle, Spike pushed his ass back and up, and Xander rewarded him with nips and licks and nuzzles. Pressing his tongue against the most sensitive spot on Spike's body earned him a bucking motion and a howl and Xander knew that victory was imminent. He grabbed Spike's legs at the knees and twisted him like a wing nut, flipping him over on his back. Pulling Spike's thighs wide open, Xander draped Spike's knees over his shoulders and went back to work, licking and sucking, plunging his tongue deep into Spike's ass.

Spike groaned and twisted, and out of the corner of his eye Xander could see him pumping his cock in time to Xander's ministrations. God, he loved Spike like this. No shame, no hang-ups or misplaced modesty. He just gave it all up to the pleasure. Of course, much as he loved it Xander wasn't above using to his own advantage, and when Spike came hard enough to shake the floor Xander shoved forward and pinned his new dishrag limp boyfriend down, counting to eight in a loud voice.

"Looks like that round goes to me, Spike."

Glazed eyes finally focused on him, blinking to clear themselves, and Spike managed a grin around his gasps. Obviously there were no hard feelings. "Looks like it, luv. Never let it be said that you're not a sneaky little bastard."

"Why thank you. What's so funny?"

Because Spike was chuckling now, not just grinning, and his feet waved in the air somewhere next to Xander's ears from the force of his laughter. It was as endearing as it was disconcerting. Finally, Spike calmed down a bit and pointed to Xander's face. "You've got Kool Aid lips, luv."

If he weren't completely boneless, Spike would bounce up and down. Well, Xander would have to move for that, and he liked the boy pinning him to the floor, all manly and proud. Spike was proud, too. Of the way Xander planned and plotted to defeat him. Showed ingenuity. Showed sneakiness. Showed that Spike was rubbing off on him. And not just in the sexual way.

Even with clown lips from the cherry juice, his Xander was glorious, all flushed cheeks and shining eyes. Bless his heart. 'Course his cock was pretty too, all hard and red and tasty looking. Spike pondered. Then he wriggled. "Okay, good on you, pet. You beat me that round. Still got one to go though, so let me up."


Dropping Spike's legs, Xander hopped to his feet and Spike felt like one of those nodding chihuahuas watching the dangly parts jiggle. Shaking his head at himself, Spike hauled his ass up off the floor and absently licked his fingers. "Right mess we've made," he said, wrinkling his nose at the drying stuff on his chest and belly.

"It'll wash. Ready for round three?"

Waggling his eyebrows, Spike nodded at Xander's erection. "Looks like you are, one way or the other." Oh yeah, just call him Xander, king of the mood swing, Spike thought. If I get him good and mad maybe he'll forget the contest and just fuck me into the floor. "Anyway," he continued, "I'm on to your tricks now. Won't be so easy this time."

"You're always easy, Spike." Ooh, direct hit. Snarky Xander was one of his favorite incarnations. Oh, Hell, who was he kidding? They were all his favorites. But snarky Xander made his cock harden again. This was turning out to be a good idea. Who cared about winning? He'd have to put on a real show, but Spike thought losing might be another very good idea. Who new what his newly sneaky lad might get up to if he had Spike tied and helpless before him?

Xander tested the readiness of the floor by curling his toes, and Spike heard the squelching noise they made. Xander nodded. "Okay, your bleachness. Last chance."

"Hah. Gonna make you come to me this time." Or maybe come on me, Spike thought. Or in me. Whatever. But his quip had the desired effect, and Xander put his head down and charged like a bull. A quick sidestep, and Spike smacked that lucious ass as it went by. Chocolate flew out from the point of contact, and they both laughed at the sound their flesh made as it connected. Swinging around, Xander came at him again, and Spike made a show of slipping on the slick floor as he moved away. Didn't take much more than that for Xander to be right on him, taking him down. Made sure they rubbed together in all of the right places on the way back to the floor, too.

Looked like the plan was working, because Xander was breathing a lot harder than he should for that small amount of exertion. Poor boy. So determined to win that he wasn't going to be distracted by a little thing like a hard-on. Well, not little. Right. Who was distracted now. Spike just wasn't long in the patience department. He wanted this over and Xander in him, now.

They squirmed and wiggled and Spike cunningly managed to get himself under Xander, facedown. From there it was an easy thing to line up his ass with Xander's stiff one and rub so that Xander could feel it real nice. Next to his ear Xander sucked in a huge, wheezing breath, and then the boy went absolutely still. "Spike?"

"Mmmmhmmm?" Spike shifted just a bit, and Xander whimpered.

"Are you letting me win?"

Rubbing and twisting, and oh that felt good. Hot and damp against him, Xander was a sweet, heavy weight. "Not a bit of it. I just have my priorities straight. Want you to fuck me, pet."

Something inside Xander's head went Sproing! Spike could hear it. And then Xander was getting him ready, stretching him with rough fingers and there was no need for lube with all of the goo that covered them. When Xander filled him Spike forgot all about contests and rules and who would win or lose, and he had a feeling that Xander forgot it too, because there was no smug in the sounds coming from him. Just hot, and oh God, and yeah, right there. They moved together frantically, because this kind of play between them always made them crazy, and they needed each other, and suddenly Spike saw stars as Xander yanked his hips up just a bit and hit that spot, the one that made him howl.

Wasn't long before Xander was shouting too, and biting Spike's shoulder hard enough to draw blood, and if he had to breathe the world would be turning grey right about now, because everything went away but the feeling of Xander throbbing deep in his guts. And then Spike came too, without either one of them having touched him, just like that, and his whole body bucked and shuddered uncontrollably.

They flopped back to the floor and stayed there for a while, both of them a little stunned. Shocked at how serious it turned between them sometimes, with no notice or intent. He hurt all over, but it hurt so good that he wouldn't give it up for anything.

Once Xander finally stopped panting he asked, "So did I win?"

Spike snorted. "Well, you pinned me, that's for sure. But you broke the rules, pet."

"What! How?"

"You bit me. You said no biting."

"Oh." Licking at Spike's shoulder, Xander nodded. Spike felt it against his skin. "You're right. I did. So, do we call it a draw?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow you tie me up. The day after that, you're my dinner."

"Sounds like a plan." He could hear the smile in Xander's voice, and he had to agree. Sounded like a very good plan, inde

The End

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